


cling to me

by ColorMeParanoid



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Buck's infinite knowledge of random facts, Communication, Developing Relationship, Established Relationship, Fluff, Implied Sexual Content, Insecure Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Insecure Evan "Buck" Buckley, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-09
Updated: 2020-12-09
Packaged: 2021-03-10 07:07:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,445
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27980082
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ColorMeParanoid/pseuds/ColorMeParanoid
Summary: The last thing Eddie ever expected when they started dating was that he'd somehow start spending less time with Buck instead of more.Clearly, there was a problem here, lurking just underneath the surface and Eddie wasn't keen on letting their relationship suffer over something so inconsequential. Or maybe it wasn't, because it led them here to this moment and to this impending argument.Maybe talking about it wasn't such a bad idea. Because something was going on here and Eddie was done pretending that there wasn't.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 24
Kudos: 368





	cling to me

**Author's Note:**

> I never thought that I'd end up researching octopuses for a fanfic but... here we are, I guess.

Dating Buck was confusing in ways that Eddie never expected.

He'd been expecting things to change somewhat now that they had officially stopped walking the in-between line of being just close friends and romantic partners and actually started dating like normal people. Things like going out on actual adult dates instead of watching Disney movies with Chris every time they had a spare moment together, even though they both loved that too. He'd been expecting Buck to be around even more often than he was before, joining them for lunch and breakfast instead of only dinner, sleeping over in Eddie's bed and all of the wonderful physical things that came with being in a loving relationship.

The last thing Eddie ever expected when they first kissed and became boyfriends was that he'd somehow start spending _less_ time with Buck instead of _more_.

When he first picked up on this sudden change of pace, Eddie immediately started doubting Bucks' investment in their relationship. Dating was never easy, and dating as a single parent sometimes seemed downright impossible and maybe Buck didn't mind that Eddie had to cancel their outings to take Chris to the doctor or help him with his homework when they were just friends. But now that they were dating, maybe he realized that he wasn't ready to make such a commitment.

Though his doubts about Buck didn't last for long at all. Because despite him pulling away and acting wildly out of character sometimes, whenever they were together, Buck was undeniably enthusiastic about being around him. Whether they were out on a date, at work or just hanging out on Eddie's couch with Chris between them, he never - not once - showed an ounce of hesitation to be there.

So what if Buck suddenly stopped sending him random messages throughout the day about all of the new things he’d discovered from his latest bout of research? It’s not like he forgot Eddie existed just because it took him a little longer to answer his texts when usually he'd answer them within seconds when he wasn’t out on a call. And just because he didn't come over to Eddie's place on a near daily basis anymore didn't mean that he didn't want to spend time with him.

It's just that Eddie had been hoping that they'd start spending even more time together, because he missed Buck whenever he wasn't around and all of those dumb little messages honestly made his day. They were proof that Buck was thinking of him, even when they were apart.

Maybe Eddie was the problem here. He hadn't been on a proper date since, well, since _Shannon_ and they've gotten together while still in high school. Maybe he'd been out of the game for so long that he didn't know what the hell he was doing and he was moving too fast. Maybe Buck was the one who was doing this whole dating thing right and Eddie was just struggling to keep up.

Honestly, the concept of dating Buck was a little ridiculous from the start, because Eddie always thought that the point of dating was to get to know someone. And they already knew everything there was to know about one another. Then again, he thought that he and Buck were on the same page when it came to their relationship, but maybe he was wrong about that, too.

Just because it felt right, inviting someone to move in only a few weeks into dating them was crazy, Eddie had to keep reminding himself.

Despite all of his doubts, Eddie did actually understand that he wasn't the center of Buck's entire universe.

But the feeling that something was wrong persisted. It was small things, too, so Eddie was starting to feel like he was the crazy one here for even getting hung up over them in the first place. Especially because Buck and everyone else around him was acting like this was all completely normal.

It was quite an adjustment from their usual status quo and Eddie was trying his best to come to terms with it, he was, but it was not easy when all Eddie wanted to do was bundle Buck up in his bed and never let him leave.

But leaving was something Buck seemed so determined to do.

Eddie was still trying to catch his breath, sprawled naked over the length of his bed and Buck was already getting up and dressed. They've had a busy week but they had the rest of the day off and the house to themselves for the next few hours and Eddie had been looking forward to this all week. He planned on taking this time to catch up with his boyfriend, reassure himself that things were perfectly fine between them and that he was just overthinking everything like he always did.

He knew for a fact that Buck had nowhere else to be today so why the rush?

"What are you doing?" he asked, lifting himself up on his elbows and staring Buck down.

Buck pulled on his jeans and smiled at Eddie over his shoulder. "Um, getting dressed?"

"Why? Chris won't be home for a few more hours."

Buck shrugged, looking away. "It's been a stressful week. I figured you might want some time to spend alone to recharge. I know how much you love your alone time."

That much was true. He used to look forward to putting Chris to bed and spending some time alone to destress even if it made him feel like the worst father in the world. But since Buck started staying over more and more often, he'd come to look forward to those few hours even more than before. He still appreciated his alone time, of course, but he loved having Buck all to himself even more. 

"But you are coming by later for dinner, right?" he couldn't help but ask. He'd planned on ordering them a nice dinner and trying his hand at making dessert from one of his Abuela's many recipes. She'd only given them to him if he promised Buck would be there to supervise him, thus making Buck the first partner of any of the grandkids to get access to the heavily guarded secret family recipes. His sisters were going to be so jealous when he told them. He couldn't wait.

Buck made a face at his question and Eddie knew what his answer would be before he even opened his mouth.

"You know what, never mind." He pulled the sheet to cover himself as he sat up, looking around for his underwear. He felt embarrassed enough having this conversation alone and being naked was only making it worse. He was quite literally fully exposing himself in front of Buck and it was terrifying. 

"Eddie-"

"It's fine," he said, doing his best to give Buck a reassuring smile that felt flat and unconvincing even to himself. It _was_ fine, he was just being overly dramatic and selfish. Maybe Buck wanted some alone time, too. They did spend the last two days together at work, so maybe that was supposed to be enough. "Don't worry about it. We'll see each other tomorrow then. Or at work. Whenever."

"Eddie, it's not what you're thinking," Buck insisted and Eddie had to swallow down his words before he said exactly what he was thinking. Because it wouldn't be pretty and would only end in an argument, he knew that from experience. But he also knew that not talking about this now and throwing out baseless accusations was only going to add fuel to the fire and nothing would ever get resolved. He'd learned that much from his failed marriage with Shannon.

Clearly, there was a problem here, lurking just underneath the surface and Eddie wasn't keen on letting their relationship suffer over something so inconsequential. Or maybe it wasn't, because it led them here to this moment and to this impending argument.

Maybe talking about it wasn't such a bad idea. Because something was going on here and Eddie was done pretending that there wasn't.

He abandoned the search for his underwear and finally looked at Buck who seemed so worried that it broke his heart. He sighed, feeling guilty for bringing it up at all, though he knew that it had to be done. The longer he let the frustration build, the worse the outcome would be. And Buck deserved so much better than that.

"Why don't you explain to me what's going on then?" he said, reaching out with an olive branch.

"It's really stupid," Buck said, sounding completely dejected and miserable. "See, this is why my relationships never work out. Even when I try my best not to, I always end up fucking it all up. And I really tried this time, Eddie. I read all the articles about dating single parents and being a step parent." Buck's eyes widened in alarm. "Not that I'm saying I'm Chris' step parent or anything like that. I know we've only just started dating and it's all very new and that's not for me to decide and I'd never- you have to know that I'd never- But I just wanted to make sure that I was doing everything right-"

"Buck," Eddie interrupted before Buck had a chance to work himself up into a panic attack. He honestly didn't even know where to start unpacking that statement, so he focused on the here and now. "Take a deep breath." Buck did as instructed, then held it until he started getting a little red in the face and Eddie shook his head, feeling so unbearably fond of the fool he'd gone ahead and fallen head over heels for. "You don't have to _hold_ it. Just breathe, Buck. Calm down."

"Okay." Buck nodded, taking a few moments just to breathe and calm down. "I'm okay."

"Good," Eddie said. "Now what was this about you fucking all of this up? Because from my perspective, I'm the one who's being overly sensitive and monopolizing all of your time."

Buck was shaking his head before Eddie even finished talking. "God, no. Is that really what you thought?" Hesitantly, Eddie nodded, and Buck sighed, rubbing at the back of his head. "Like I said, this is all my fault. I should have come to you straight away but instead, I did what I always do and started over thinking everything and now it's all a mess."

"I'm listening," Eddie said, because they could both learn to do more of that instead of simply assuming what the other one was thinking. Clearly, that approach wasn't doing either of them any favors. Huh, it seemed that he did pick up a thing or two from all of those therapy sessions he was forced to attend.

Buck gave a sharp nod of his head and started pacing the length of Eddie's bedroom.

"Look, you know that I don't have the best track record when it comes to dating. And I love you and I wanted us to work so I decided to make some adjustments before I could do the same thing I always do."

Eddie frowned. "Adjustments?"

Buck glanced at him quickly before looking away again. "Yeah, like not texting you back the second I see the message and not being all over you all the time and not just inviting myself over every day after work." He barked out a laugh. "If it was up to me, I'd never _leave_." He sighed, finally looking at Eddie with a strained smile. "I know how I get when I'm really excited about someone. I get clingy, move too fast _way_ too soon, want to spend every free second I have with them and it tends to be a bit too much for people."

"And that whole thing about being a step parent..."

A furious blush spread over Buck's cheeks and down his neck. "I read some articles and it said that it's important not to come on too strong at first and make sure that we did activities together but also to make sure the actual parent had some alone time with their kid to bond and adjust to the changes." He shrugged, looking down at his feet.

"You're adorable," Eddie said, unable to stop himself and Buck frowned at him, doing his best to remain serious despite Eddie's grin. It was as if he had completely forgotten just how much Christopher adored him. They both did.

"Like I said, I know it's a little over the top but that's just who I am," Buck said. "I research when I'm nervous, I get overly involved in everything and it can be a lot for people to handle so I've been trying to tone it down. Now you know why all of my exes ended up leaving town," he said, probably joking but there was enough weight to the words to wipe all amusement from Eddie's face. 

"Out of all of the things you've said today, that is by far the stupidest one." Buck's eyes snapped to his, surprised. "I'm not going to pretend you're perfect and that you've never done anything wrong but you're definitely not solely responsible for any of break ups. Especially not with Abby."

Buck shot him a reproachful look at that and Eddie cleared his throat. Yeah, he was well aware of his passionate dislike of Abby but nothing he'd heard about her and seen first hand had done shit to change his opinion. She’d hurt Buck seemingly without a care and he deserved so much better. And that was a hill Eddie was more than willing to die on.

"Fine, I'll let that one go for now," Eddie said. He was sure they'd circle back to that topic again soon enough. "And to make things perfectly clear, the only fuck up you did here was not coming to me about this first. It seemed like you were pulling away instead of giving me space. The thought was there but man, your execution sucks."

"I know." Buck sighed. "I'm really not good at this, Eddie. We're going to have to come up with some sort of schedule. Maybe lay down some ground rules or something."

"Or," Eddie interrupted before Buck could come up with a whole relationship manual that would only end up complicating things further, "we keep going like we always did, even before we got together. I don't know about you, but I quite liked that arrangement."

"I did, too," Buck admitted. "But that was me holding back because I didn't want to ruin our friendship by coming on too strong. You have no idea what kind of level of clinginess dating me involves. I'm like a very sexy octopus."

"Yeah, but you’re _my_ sexy octopus.” He reached out a hand and Buck took it in his, even as he rolled his eyes. “Did you ever stop to consider that maybe I like you being clingy?"

"That's because you haven't seen the full extent of it yet," Buck insisted. "Trust me, I had to take preventative measures."

Eddie hummed, tugging Buck along until he was kneeling over him on the bed. "I know I'm not the best when it comes to talking about my feelings, but I am trying. So how about you trust me to tell you when something is too much, okay? If I ever need you to slow down or back up a bit, I'll make sure to tell you. But until that day comes – _if_ it ever comes, honestly – just cling on right ahead."

"You're crazy," Buck breathed out, looking down at Eddie in wonder.

Eddie didn't deny it. Best to show Buck what he was getting into now, same as he did with him.

"Besides," Eddie said, bracing himself for the worst as he casually added, “if you want to talk about being clingy, I'm the one who nearly asked you to move in on our very first date."

Buck's eyebrows jumped in surprise. "Seriously?"

"Oh yeah. If that waiter didn't interrupt when he did, I probably would have."

More like he definitely would have.

He could still remember that moment with perfect clarity, Buck sitting across him at the tiny table in a ridiculously overpriced restaurant where Eddie took him for their first official date. He'd been so nervous, wanting it to be perfect and romantic and everything he usually never had to worry about with Buck. He wanted it to be a proper date, not just two friends hanging out and it was a disaster from the moment they stepped inside the restaurant.

It started out unbearably awkward, with neither of them knowing how to break this ridiculous tension between them, both unsure as to where they now stood. The menu was in French and neither one of them knew it and the food was way out of both of their comfort zones.

The conversation was stilted at best and by the end of their meal, Eddie was kicking himself for ruining it all, doubting himself if this was even a good idea at all if they couldn't handle going out for a simple dinner and Buck could tell he was upset, just like he always did. He'd reached out and covered Eddie's hand with his, tangling their fingers together and squeezing gently until Eddie had finally gathered the courage to look at him.

"Eddie," he'd said with a gentle, encouraging smile, amusement shining in his eyes. "Relax. It's just me."

And that was all it took, really, for Eddie to let go of all the tension and the nerves because Buck was right. It was just him; it had always been him. It just took him a little longer to see it.

They’d ditched the restaurant soon after that and went out for a round of drinks at their usual bar and ended up making out like two horny teenagers in the cramped back of Buck’s jeep until it was time to part ways.

And it was perfect for them.

“Right,” Buck said, clearly pleased by the revelation and it removed a giant weight from Eddie’s chest. Buck was not freaking out and he didn’t seem weirded out. Maybe they were finally on the same page here. “That’s… wow. Eddie, really?” Eddie nodded, laughing at him and Buck slapped him gently on the chest. “Okay, how about we revisit this moving in topic in -"

"A week?" Eddie asked hopefully, only half joking.

"- a few _months_. Eddie," Buck nearly whined, "I'm trying to be the responsible one here and you're making it really hard for me."

“That was the plan, actually.” Eddie pointedly rolled up his hips and reveled in half moan and half laugh that escaped from Buck’s lips. “We have a lot of catching up to do and very limited free time.”

“You’re full of great points today. Look at you, talking about your feelings without breaking into hives,” Buck said, sounding breathy and a little dazed. “You're like an onion. So many different layers.”

Eddie put a hand on Buck’s chest and pushed him away when he leaned in for a kiss, ignoring his dismayed pout. He tugged pointedly at waist band of Buck's jeans that he was still wearing for whatever reason. “How about you stop comparing me to Shrek and get rid of some of your layers instead, huh? Put all of your tentacles to good use.”

"Actually, the correct term would be arms," Buck told him, all matter of fact as if they weren't in the middle of something here. "A tentacle is kind of an umbrella term for all the cephalopod limbs, but technically, they're only called tentacles if they have suckers near their ends, which octopuses do not-" Miraculously, Buck stopped himself in the middle of his own tirade and gave Eddie a sheepish smile. "Sorry. We can discuss octopus anatomy later.”

Before Eddie could tell him that he had no desire to talk about octopuses at all - unless they were talking about their delicious presence in salads that he found himself suddenly craving - Buck tackled him on the bed and stole the words right out of his mouth. 

Afterwards, Buck stayed for lunch and he stayed for dinner and he spent the night curled around Eddie in what he'd alarmingly quickly dubbed as _their_ bed in his head, a perfect imitation of an octopus that was here to stay. 

Be it the new challenges of their budding relationship or Buck’s insistence of keeping his pants on in the most inconvenient of times, Eddie was confident that they’d get past all of it as long as they did it together.


End file.
